A victim

If someone were to climb into my skin and walk around they would realize I am not as happy as I seem. It's all an act... I go day to day smiling even though I'm picked on. Hour to hour walking around hot coals because I know if I tell a friend a secret they may tell someone else. I spend week to week dreading the drama. Don't get me wrong now the confidence you see is real the happiness however is mostly not. They would realize that I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut in situations. They would see that have a temper as big as a giant. They would see how I really see myself beautiful, helpful, kind, and loving. That's how I view myself as.

Many people judge me and believe that I like to play games. They think I can't love because everything is just a game to me. Like nothing I ever say is real or serious. They say I'm a "drama starter." you know it hurts when I receive a text saying " Your not answering me because I'm right. Why do you love causing drama?" People think that I'm just some kind of monster because I speak my mind and won't deal with people talking about me. But that doesn't mean that it still won't hurt or affect me, people judge because I keep my friends at a distance. They don't even know how it feels to have your best friend look at you in the eyes and lie. They probably don't even know what it feels like to be back-stabbed by the people you trusted the most. Every thought of not judging someone? Many people think I have it all. Like I'm some "it" girl. The thing is do they know I have divorced parents? Do they know that one house doesn't have an income? Do they know how it feels like to not have anyone stand up for you?

Instead of judging me I wish people would realize that right noe I'm going through a rough time. I wish they would accept that I have been hurt before and it's very hard to get over some things. I wish they could see that if I love someone it's not a game and it's actually real. I wish drama was a small argument, and to fix everything with that person all you had to do was calmly talk it out, and in the end the whole thing just stayed between those two people. I wish if someone had a problem with me they would come and talk to me. I would try to be understanding. Instead of judging anyone I hope people would realize where they get there facts from. Instead of judging lets use the 48 hour rule. When your mad let's wait 48 hours to discuss the situation. I would hope that people would look at things from both sides. Honestly I know changing all these things would be incredibly hard. If you think about it thought if you change one thing (big or small) if could minimize your stress, drama, and maybe people could be more understanding of your situation. You never know what could happen.

When you don't have the guts to tell them

I've been waiting for you for a very long time.. you just don't know yet..